My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

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Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

These aliens are taking forever.

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Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

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Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

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Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

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I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

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You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

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Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

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Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

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I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.