I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.