The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

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A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

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This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

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Drive as I say, not as I drive.

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You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

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The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

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Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

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The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

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Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

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The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

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Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.