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Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

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I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

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Iโ€™m not moody; Iโ€™m just on shuffle.

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Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

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One day youโ€™ll find someone whoโ€™s obsessed with you. Itโ€™ll probably be a demon but thatโ€™s what it is.

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The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

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Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

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I canโ€™t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

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Not to brag, but Iโ€™ve seen Barbie naked.

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Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

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Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

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Weekend resolutions: 0, Couch potato: 1 ๐Ÿ›‹๏ธ๐Ÿฅ”๐ŸŽ‰



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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, Iโ€™m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

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Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

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Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

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Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

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My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

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There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

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Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where itโ€™s only me in the vehicle.

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It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

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An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until thereโ€™s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Whoโ€™s building this?