Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Trending via X:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My toxic trait is when I’m bored, I start looking for flights to book.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Shared recently on Discord:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Spotted on Instagram:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.
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Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the good old "eat all your food to be big and strong" lie! But hey, no one said anything about being strong AND slim, right? Looks like someone took that advice a bit too literally… Just big, indeed! 💪🍔🤷‍♂️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,457

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Making waves on Facebook:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Seen just now on Reddit:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Just landed via Telegram:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Going viral on Reddit:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Making waves on Messenger:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Trending via Telegram:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

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