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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Trending via Instagram:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Seen just now on Slack:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Just shared via YouTube:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Just shared via Slack:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Making waves on Threads:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Spotted on Slack:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Seen just now on Threads:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your brain is the ultimate horror marathon! 🎃🧠👻

haunted, haunted house, head, house, humor, inside, introspection, just, loneliness, mental, mental state, mind, own, self, spooky, state

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

0

2 months ago

contradiction, girl, girls, hate, humor, i, man, relationship, sex
What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

0

2 months ago

aliens, culture, fiction, fitting, hopes, humor, imagination, invasion, movy, parody, science, science fiction, watch
No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

0

2 months ago

defibrillator, expectation, failure, humor, irony, joke, medical, medical joke, shock, work
I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

0

2 months ago

boomer, Boomers, ellipsis, everything, feels, gap, generation, generation gap, good, humor, i, style, text, texting, texting style, understand, why
I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

0

2 months ago

back, better, boss, boss humor, career, died, face-to-face, humor, i, life, meetings, moment, office, professional, professional life, said, sarcasm, workplace
The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

0

4 months ago

best, describe, feeling, feels, humor, Monday, say, time, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Telegram this month:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Making waves on Telegram:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Spotted on WeChat:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Live now on Twitch:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Seen just now on Slack:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Just landed via Messenger:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Just shared via YouTube:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨