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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Just shared via Instagram:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Trending via Threads:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Playing hard to get: the ultimate plot twist for optimists in disguise! 😆👏✨

attitude, hard, humor, just, optimist, personality, perspective, pessimist, playing, playing hard to get

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

0

2 months ago

card, comparison, credit, credit card, denied, financial, humor, joke, used, wit
In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

0

6 days ago

academic, emotional, emotionally, financial, life, struggle, student, student life, three, university
Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

0

3 months ago

actually, apology, back, communication, hand, humor, mature, maturity, phone, relationship, sorry, texting
You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

0

2 months ago

anything, early, fun, humor, humor quote, meeting, motivation, office, office humor, person, procrastination, productivity, sarcasm, workplace
If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

0

2 months ago

advice, decision, ever, humor, just, me, nostalgia, opposite, reflection, situation, teenage, think, uncomfortable
I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

0

2 months ago

asleep, baby, change, divorce, easily, fall, humor, i, irony, person, relationship, rest, sleep, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Twitch this month:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Going bananas on Threads:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Going viral on Telegram:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Just landed via Discord:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨