Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.