Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Making waves on Facebook:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Going viral on Reddit:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Trending via Reddit:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Spotted on X:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When even your phone's more concerned about security than your love life! 😂🔐📲 #ForeverVerified"

code, codes, girls, humor, just, loneliness, message, technology, verification, verification code

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, awkward, behavior, found, humor, imagine, pet, phone, picture, pictures, privacy, sleeping
Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

1

2 months ago

anime, comparison, cultural, cultural reference, food, food humor, funny comparison, humor, just, ramen, reference, spaghetti
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, term, ugly, ugly word, word
I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

2 months ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka
Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

0

2 months ago

body, change, color, color change, every, eye, eye color, eyes, funny idea, humor, idea, little, rub, rubbing, should, time
If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

0

2 months ago

cash, comfort, emotional, emotional needs, hug, humor, just, me, money, needs, pocket, put, sad, sadness, support

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Discord this month:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

68 shares on Discord this month:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Going viral on Instagram:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Just shared via WeChat:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Making waves on Messenger:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Live now on Pinterest:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Just shared via Twitch:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Seen just now on X:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Trending via YouTube:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨