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Commentary:
"All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so when you accidentally hit someone's ride in the parking lot, you can just blame it on high-fives gone wrong! 🚗🙌😜"

absurdity, around, bumper, car, cars, collision, driving, hit, humor, rubber, safety, should

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48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Making waves on WeChat:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Breaking via Reddit:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Trending via Slack:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Trending via Twitch:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Live now on Reddit:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Just shared via Twitch:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

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