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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Just landed via Messenger:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Just shared via Slack:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Trending via Discord:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Seen just now on TikTok:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Just shared via Threads:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about newborn animals confidently knowing their next move, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Meanwhile, I'm still wondering if I should have breakfast for dinner 🥞🤔 #FiguringLifeOut

animal, animals, humor, instinct, know, minutes, nature, newborn, old, wit

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

91 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Seen just now on Reddit:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Breaking via X:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Just landed via TikTok:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Overthinkaholic!

Going bananas on YouTube:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨