Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Shared recently on Threads:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Trending via Twitch:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Making waves on Messenger:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Just shared via Messenger:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Just landed via Facebook:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Seen just now on TikTok:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Meanwhile, I'm still wondering if I should have breakfast for dinner 🥞🤔 #FiguringLifeOut

animal, animals, humor, instinct, know, minutes, nature, newborn, old, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

1

2 months ago

better, choices, decisions, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, memoir, mistakes, regret, self-awareness
Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

0

2 months ago

beer, black, color, compatibility, drink, everything, fun, humor
If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

0

2 months ago

advice, bedtime, drinking, humor, hydration, kids, parenting, tell, water
I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

0

2 months ago

1, 3, Christmas, gift, holidays, humor, i, me, package, self-care, shopping
I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

0

2 months ago

change, coping, divorce, drink, humor, i, life, life change, marriage, realization, relationship, thought
The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

0

2 months ago

age-related, age-related injury, aging, cause, humor, injury, men, old, old men, self-perception, still, thinking, young, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on X this month:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

20 shares on X this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

63 shares on X this month:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

14 shares on Slack this month:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Trending via Snapchat:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Making waves on Telegram:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Making waves on YouTube:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Making waves on YouTube:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨