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"Ah, the noble pursuit of thinking! 🤔💡 Tips on being smart? Well, remember – intelligence is like a garden: it requires regular watering… with coffee! ☕️😄 So keep those brain cells caffeinated and watch your brilliance bloom!"

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My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

1 month ago
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I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

2 months ago
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Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

1 month ago
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I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

1 month ago
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Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

1 month ago
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I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

1 month ago
craving, decision, food, fridge, heart, humor, humorist, i, led, me, procrastination, snack

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

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Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

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The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

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Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

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Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

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Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

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They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

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Breaking via Pinterest:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Just shared via Twitch:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My toxic trait is optimism.

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Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Live now on YouTube:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

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Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

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Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

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