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You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

1 month ago
believe, communication, distraction, doing, doing well, email, found, going, i, me, surprise, well
Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

2 months ago
convenience, drinking, experience, feeling, fun, home, money, night, night out, nothing, pub, sure
When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

1 month ago
back, circle, circle back, expectation, humor, new, new year, procrastination, year
So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

1 month ago
backwards, Evian, fortune, humor, i, little, paid, people, read, used, water, wonder
My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

2 weeks ago
basket, bigger, duck, egg, eggs, elephant, fish, food, fried, fried food, humor, idiom, row
When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

1 month ago
change, funny idea, hour, humor, i, idea, politics, president, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Manifesting you in my bed.

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Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Spotted on Telegram:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Trending via Telegram:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Trending via Telegram:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

At least life has music.

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

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At least life has music.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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