Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

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Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

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I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

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My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

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I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

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Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

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Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

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I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

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I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

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I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

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Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.