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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ต has viewed:

Anytime a guy says โ€œthatโ€™s what she saidโ€ always reply with โ€œyeah, but not to youโ€.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

My dadโ€™s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Just landed via Instagram:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Tai Chi is so crazy because itโ€™s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Trending via Facebook:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Life is weird and then you die.

Breaking via X:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Making waves on WeChat:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Freshly posted on X:

Whoever told you thereโ€™s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.
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Commentary:
Looks like autocorrect is truly on a mission to give us more *butt* trouble than relief! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿšป๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ Time to double-check those texts before they turn into accidental comedy gold! #AutocorrectFails

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

Even at my most evil, Iโ€™m considerate.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Reported on Facebook:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wifeโ€™s plans for the second time.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Spotted on Facebook:

Sorry, Iโ€™m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

โ€œYouโ€™re so quick to cut someone off!โ€ God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just landed via Telegram:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

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ยฉ 2025. All fights retarded. ๐Ÿคช

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