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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Making waves on Threads:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Going viral on X:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Breaking via X:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Just landed via WeChat:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Spotted on Messenger:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the prehistoric pedicure method – a true blast from the past! 🦕💅 Who needs nail clippers when you have dinosaurs to keep your toenails in check? Just imagine the cardio workout from all that running! Talk about a unique fitness routine. 😂 #ThrowbackThursday #DinoManicure

back, days, dinosaurs, exercise, good, good old days, humor, just, naturally, nature, nostalgia, old, prehistoric, running, toenails, trim

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

56 shares on Threads this month:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Spotted on TikTok:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Spotted on Threads:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Trending via X:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Seen just now on Discord:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Trending via Discord:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Just shared via Messenger:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Just shared via Telegram:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Just shared via Instagram:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

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