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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,995

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Just landed via Telegram:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Making waves on Threads:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Just landed via Reddit:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Just shared via Slack:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a concert where "smoked" means the food *and* the vibes! 🎵🔥🍳

afford, band, bands, concert, cook, hire, humor, machine, should, smoke, smoke machine, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

1 month ago

baked, baked goods, browny, court, courtroom, dessert, everyone, funny statement, goods, honor, humor, i, judge, legal, statement, trial
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

2 months ago

child, children, humor, irony, parent, parenting, perfect, perfection, person, theory
Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

1 month ago

bottle, childhood, drop, humor, nostalgia, parents, phone, school, snacks, survival, us, used, water, water bottle
Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

1 month ago

20s, 30s, choices, decisions, grow, growth, humans, humor, life, life choices, makeup, new, poor, should, teeth, thirty, twenty
Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

1 month ago

activity, coffee, day, drink, drinking, flask, fun, fun activity, humor, productivity, spice, spice up, work, work day
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

1 month ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Breaking via Facebook:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Just landed via Instagram:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Just shared via Messenger:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Spotted on Facebook:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Trending via Snapchat:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

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Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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