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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Trending via Slack:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Making waves on Telegram:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Just shared via Discord:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Spotted on WeChat:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Just landed via X:

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Just shared via Threads:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a concert where "smoked" means the food *and* the vibes! 🎵🔥🍳

afford, band, bands, concert, cook, hire, humor, machine, should, smoke, smoke machine, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

0

2 months ago

distraction, disturb, do not disturb, focus, humor, i, life, peace, put, whole, wish
Problematic bed time gap relationship.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, gap, humor, problem, problematic, relationship, time
I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

0

2 months ago

donut, donuts, food, guy, humor, hungry, i, kids, knows, little, misunderstanding, nephew, right, thanks, think, work
Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

0

2 months ago

challenge, drinking, dry, Dry January, even, humor, i, January, laugh, month, people, worse, worst, worst month, year
Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

0

2 months ago

context, ETA, humor, i, pass, patience, request, this too shall pass, time, too
One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

0

2 months ago

amazing, amazing thing, day, everyday, everyday life, expectation, food, goal, humor, lap, life, relatability, satisfaction, struggle, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Going bananas on Messenger:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Seen just now on X:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Shared recently on X:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Just shared via Facebook:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Spotted on WeChat:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Making waves on Discord:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Just shared via Pinterest:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨