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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Seen just now on X:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Shared recently on TikTok:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Shared recently on Twitch:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Been getting really into nothing.

20 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a lot of work! 😅🛋️ #ProcrastinationGoals

getting, hobby, humor, laziness, nothing, procrastination

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

0

2 months ago

am, cut, donut, expectation, food, half, humor, i, identity, irony, person, self-discovery, thought
Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

0

2 months ago

addiction, checking, daily, daily routine, day, every, hell, humor, internet, microdosing, routine, sarcasm, web
Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

0

2 months ago

am, animal, better, comparison, daily, daily life, day, dog, every, happiness, having, head, humor, i, joy, know, life, pet, time, window
Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

0

2 months ago

asleep, hack, happiness, health, humor, life, life hack, mental, mental health, mood, positivity, relaxation, sad, sleep
Not going is the new leaving early.

0

2 months ago

early, event, going, humor, leaving, new, not going, procrastination, social
Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

0

5 months ago

9, communication, hours, humor, leave, money, patience, read, relationship, texting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I overthink, therefore I am.

83 shares on Slack this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

76 shares on X this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

91 shares on Threads this month:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

82 shares on Twitch this month:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

43 shares on X this month:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Trending via Twitch:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Going viral on X:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Trending via Snapchat:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Going bananas on Slack:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Live now on Telegram:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Just shared via Slack:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Been getting really into nothing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Not going is the new leaving early.

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨