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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Making waves on YouTube:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Just shared via WeChat:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Making waves on X:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Just landed via Instagram:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Live now on Facebook:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Seen just now on Slack:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

2 months ago

0

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Staying in an Airbnb is like embarking on a mystery adventure – unlock the hidden treasures behind that mysterious closet door! 🗝️🕵️‍♂️ Who knows, you might find a portal to Narnia or just a dusty old vacuum cleaner! 😂 #AirbnbMystery"

activity, Airbnb, best, closet, curiosity, fun, fun activity, humor, locked, locked closet, mystery, staying, thing, travel, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

0

5 months ago

doing, doing nothing, favourite, humor, lay, laziness, nothing, pose, relaxation, still, stillness, where, yoga, yoga pose
Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

0

2 months ago

9, coffee, comparison, expense, free, hit, humor, iced, iced latte, latte, luxury, never, office, preference, unfortunately
Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

0

2 months ago

alone, better, humor, humorist, joke, left, me, sarcasm, self-deprecating, things, wit
My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

0

2 months ago

comedy, doing, dry, humor, joke, PowerPoint, presentation, skin
If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

0

2 months ago

chewing, divorce, hear, humor, i, marriage, moved, sound, states, still, wife
Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

0

2 months ago

again, belief, disappointment, humor, i, irony, mistake, regret, told, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on X this month:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

59 shares on Discord this month:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,335

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Just shared via Discord:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Making waves on X:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Going viral on Telegram:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Going viral on TikTok:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Making waves on Reddit:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Spotted on Reddit:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Going viral on Snapchat:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

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