Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”