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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyoneโ€™s mouth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothesโ€”one size too smallโ€”that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Itโ€™s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

The question I ask myself most often is, โ€œWhat would a jury think about this?โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of โ€˜functioning adultโ€™.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didnโ€™t have condoms.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,557

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Threads:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I canโ€™t see โ€œLikesโ€ in my journal.

Going viral on Threads:

Babymaking music but itโ€™s the Benny Hill theme song.

Making waves on Twitch:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Making waves on TikTok:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Nobody at this train station knows that thereโ€™s a hole in my sock.

Breaking via Discord:

Valentineโ€™s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I donโ€™t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Breaking via Messenger:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

How old were you when you realized others couldnโ€™t see the matrix?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Humorous quote about the absurdity of chasing ping pong balls, playful and witty in tone.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
Running after a ping pong ball is the ultimate cardio workout nobody asked for! ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿƒโ€โ™‚๏ธ

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

31 shares on X this month:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

โ€œOh, Iโ€™d love to but I canโ€™t.โ€ Translation: I donโ€™t want to so I wonโ€™t.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m only dead on the outside.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The worst is when itโ€™s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You canโ€™t have both.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didnโ€™t say goodbye to me the day before.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Too many losers and not enough people telling them theyโ€™re losers.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Parents be like โ€œBoys are easier,โ€ and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,525

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt youโ€™re okay with eating.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isnโ€™t looking so good either.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Just shared via YouTube:

Iโ€™ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Going viral on Pinterest:

โ€œIโ€™m not ordering fries, Iโ€™ll just eat some of yours!โ€ -Former friends of mine

Making waves on TikTok:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevinโ€™s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Going viral on Slack:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Just shared via Discord:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, thatโ€™s called chewphoria.

Just shared via Telegram:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Making waves on Twitch:

โ€œYouโ€™re crazy.โ€ God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

Going bananas on Threads:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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