Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

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Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

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You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

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Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

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“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

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Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

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You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

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Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

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I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

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They should name a personality disorder after me.