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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Grok, put light in her eyes.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Trending via Pinterest:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Going viral on Pinterest:

I need a break from me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Making waves on Facebook:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Live now on TikTok:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Going viral on Twitch:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
That kid thinking about the good old days of nap time and snack breaks 😂🍪🍼

childhood, ever, humor, i, kid, little, melancholy, nostalgia, self-awareness

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57 shares on X this month:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

25 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Breaking via Instagram:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Going viral on Reddit:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Breaking via Facebook:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Making waves on X:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Spotted on Instagram:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Shared recently on Twitch:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Just shared via Telegram:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

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Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

My middle finger salutes you.

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My middle finger salutes you.

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨