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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Trending via Instagram:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Just landed via Messenger:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Just landed via Threads:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Just landed via Slack:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Shared recently on X:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

3 weeks ago

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When you realize the Upside Down is just a bad hair day away from world domination! 😆👨‍🦱🔄

being, every, guy, just, scene, stop, stranger, Stranger Things, things, wig

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65 shares on TikTok this month:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

80 shares on Threads this month:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

55 shares on X this month:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

My favorite color is money.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Just shared via Twitch:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Just shared via Facebook:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Trending via WhatsApp:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Spotted on YouTube:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Just landed via Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

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Activity Log ✨

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Keep the laugh going 😂

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨