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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,963

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Live now on WeChat:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Trending via WeChat:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Spotted on Reddit:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Trending via Pinterest:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Just shared via TikTok:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you realize the Upside Down is just a bad hair day away from world domination! 😆👨‍🦱🔄

being, every, guy, just, scene, stop, stranger, Stranger Things, things, wig

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

0

3 weeks ago

buying, Christmas, holiday, humor, i, myself, present, presents, procrastination, self-gift, shopping, stage, start, where
“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

0

5 months ago

humor, just, person, personality, sleepiness, sleepy, times, timing, tired, wrong
Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

0

3 weeks ago

ass, cheeky, grass, humor, playful, slang, touch, why
It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

0

2 months ago

birth, born, death, die, everything, humor, irony, life, mistakes, wrong
If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

0

2 months ago

ever, humor, i, joke, me, missing, poster, promise, put, self-image, weight
I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

0

2 months ago

deep, discomfort, fine, humor, i, inside, irony, shoe, sock, struggle, walk, walking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I love having plans to cancel.

Just landed via X:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Just shared via X:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Spotted on TikTok:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Trending via Messenger:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Live now on Twitch:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Going bananas on Facebook:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨