Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I love when the universe delivers receipts.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Spotted on YouTube:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Just shared via Snapchat:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Going viral on Discord:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Making waves on Facebook:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Going viral on Instagram:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about prioritizing shoe shopping over time travel to prevent disasters.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Priorities, am I right? 🕰️👟 Who needs to save the world when you can save your shoe collection instead? #TimeTravelGoals"

buying, disease, else, everyone, fashion, favorite, humor, interest, making, me, multiple, nostalgia, personal, personal interest, priorities, sh, shopping, spread, time, time travel, travel, wars

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

58 shares on Discord this month:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

13 shares on X this month:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

32 shares on X this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Just shared via Discord:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Shared recently on WeChat:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Trending via Instagram:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Just shared via YouTube:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Trending via Pinterest:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨