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When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now itโ€™s my pharmacist.

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If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

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Why didnโ€™t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

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How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

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Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

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Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

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It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

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Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

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The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

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You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

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Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Commentary:
"Who needs revenge when you can just outshine them with those killer muscles? ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜ Exercise: the ultimate enemy-destroying weapon with a side of endorphins! ๐Ÿ‹๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฅ #SweatinNotStressin"



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