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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

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17,769

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15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Spotted on Reddit:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Spotted on Facebook:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Live now on Telegram:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Live now on Telegram:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Explain it to me like I’m a Neanderthal.

6 hours ago

Playful and witty text comparing explanations to Neanderthal communication skills.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Me grunt, me no understand. Use more pictures! 🦧🖼️💡

communication, explain, explanation, humor, me, Neanderthal, simplicity

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WeChat this month:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

59 shares on X this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

52 shares on X this month:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

60 shares on X this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Freshly posted on X:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Going viral on Telegram:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

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Activity Log ✨

Explain it to me like I’m a Neanderthal.

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Explain it to me like I’m a Neanderthal.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨