Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

428 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,697

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,697

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Just shared via TikTok:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Live now on Twitch:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Shared recently on Discord:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Live now on Discord:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Spotted on X:

I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

Shared recently on Reddit:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Santa's got a new challenge: solving the mystery of my life by December 25th! 🎅🕵️‍♂️💡

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

2 months ago

absolutely, desire, humor, i, loop, sarcasm, stay
I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

2 months ago

food, food humor, head, humor, i, ketchup, love, pun, t, tomato, wordplay
“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

2 months ago

cart, deserve, humor, indulgence, retail, retail therapy, self-care, sh, shopping, therapy, treat, yourself
The older I get, no.

5 months ago

aging, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, reluctance
I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

5 months ago

coffee, drink, humor, hydration, i, iced, iced coffee, love, myself, self-care, wellness
Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

2 months ago

activity, annoyance, Bluetooth, Bluetooth speaker, came, fun, fun activity, hear, hike, katy, Katy Perry, listen, music, nature, outdoor, outdoor activity, perry, speaker, stop, woods

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Slack this month:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

29 shares on Facebook this month:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

16 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

90 shares on X this month:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

81 shares on Slack this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Just landed via X:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Live now on Messenger:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

The older I get, no.

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨