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Itโ€™s always a huge relief when Iโ€™m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

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You know youโ€™re getting old when youโ€™re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like youโ€™re on wheel of fortune.

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Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

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Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

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We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

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If Iโ€™m ever found dead in the woods, itโ€™s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

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Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

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Thunder is fake. It doesnโ€™t even sync up properly with lightning. Thereโ€™s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

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A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

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If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

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For Christmas, Iโ€™d like to figure it all out.

For Christmas, Iโ€™d like to figure it all out.

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Santa's got a new challenge: solving the mystery of my life by December 25th! ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ก



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