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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Just landed via Twitch:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Going viral on WeChat:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Live now on Instagram:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Trending via Messenger:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Making waves on Facebook:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Making waves on Messenger:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Funny af quotes

New funny af quotes 👇

Tested positive for being single af

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on X this month:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

67 shares on Slack this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Freshly posted on X:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Just landed via X:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Making waves on Instagram:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Live now on Reddit:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Freshly posted on X:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Spotted on TikTok:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Just shared via Snapchat:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

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New funny af quotes 👇

Tested positive for being single af

All funny af quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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