Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Just shared via Messenger:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Making waves on Facebook:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Trending via Messenger:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Making waves on Messenger:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Making waves on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Just shared via Reddit:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Spotted on X:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Funny Baron von Heldebrandt quotes

New funny Baron von Heldebrandt quotes 👇

All funny Baron von Heldebrandt quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

12 shares on X this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

49 shares on X this month:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,750

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Going viral on Discord:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Just landed via Reddit:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Spotted on TikTok:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Going viral on Reddit:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Live now on TikTok:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Live now on Instagram:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Spotted on Reddit:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

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