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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I probably think this song is about me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Going viral on Telegram:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Making waves on Pinterest:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Trending via WeChat:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Spotted on TikTok:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Spotted on WeChat:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Just landed via Discord:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Messenger this month:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

45 shares on X this month:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never stop being a quitter!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Going viral on WeChat:

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Breaking via X:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Trending via Messenger:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Spotted on Twitch:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Just landed via Facebook:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

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