Commentary:
"Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, there lived a princess with a pea-sized bladder. 🌱💦 Follow her on an epic quest to find the nearest restroom in this thrilling tale of royal urgency! 👑🏰 #PrincessProblems"
323 Funny comedy quotes
Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?
Commentary:
"Ah, the perennial question of life… 🤔🎬 Who knew our thoughts could be so entertaining? 🤣 Cue the laugh track for every awkward encounter and random thought! 😂🎭"
The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.
Commentary:
"Oh, the graceful shuffle of wisdom and age! 🚶♂️ Embracing the Chaplin-esque swagger of experience, one step at a time and a subtle twirl of the cane. 🎩 Keep strutting, old soul, for you are a silent comedy in motion!"
My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.
Commentary:
"Looks like your skin is ready to give the most captivating presentation of the year! 💁♂️💼✨ Who knew dry skin could be so professional? Maybe it's time to moisturize and upgrade from PowerPoint to a TED talk! 💻🌟 #DrySkinGoals"
As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.
Commentary:
Ah yes, the wonderful stages of aging: Sleepy in the morning, Grumpy during rush hour, Dopey at work meetings, Sneezy during allergy season, Bashful at social gatherings, Happy when the grandkids visit, and let's not forget Doc scheduling all those doctor appointments! 🛏️😠🤪🤧😳😄👨⚕️🤣
I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.
Commentary:
"Setting your personality on fire 🔥🔥🔥: not recommended for brightening up a room 🚒🤭 #firestarter"
Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.
Commentary:
"Your screams are in a queue and will be answered in the order they were received. Please hold on to your sanity, it's a long wait ahead! 😈🌀 #SpookyCustomerService"
My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.
Commentary:
Well, who knew putting on shoes could sound so scandalous? 👠🙉 Maybe next time, add some background music to your shoe-tying routine – might distract the eavesdroppers! 🎶😂 #ShoeFetishGoneWrong
Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!
Commentary:
"Watch out for those vegan zombies, they're definitely a-grain-storming their way through! 🌾🧟♂️ Better stock up on your quinoa and chia seeds to stay safe!"
They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.
Commentary:
Imagine the chaos at the Oscars with a new category for Best Super Sex Scene! 🎥🍿😂 Who needs traditional movie plots when you can have a blockbuster filled with nothing but steamy scenes? Talk about a must-see for date night at the cinema! 🔥💏🎬