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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Going viral on Discord:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Making waves on Threads:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Going viral on Threads:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

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All funny cotton bud quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

72 shares on X this month:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

43 shares on X this month:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

46 shares on X this month:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Spotted on Facebook:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Going bananas on Facebook:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Going bananas on Discord:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Making waves on Discord:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

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