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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Just shared via Twitch:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Seen just now on Instagram:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Freshly posted on X:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Freshly posted on Slack:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Funny desert island quotes

New funny desert island quotes 👇

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

5 days ago

accent, behavior, day, desert, desert island, drop, feel, gay, humor, island, social, social behavior, stereotype, stranded, survival, thing, voice

All funny desert island quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

98 shares on X this month:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

55 shares on Threads this month:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

77 shares on X this month:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Live now on TikTok:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Spotted on Slack:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Live now on X:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Just landed via Instagram:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Trending via TikTok:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Trending via Telegram:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Making waves on X:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Wordgag ツ

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Funny desert island quotes

New funny desert island quotes 👇

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

All funny desert island quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨