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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

22 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Going viral on Telegram:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Trending via Twitch:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Making waves on Instagram:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Just shared via YouTube:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

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Funny English muffin quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

Updated

22 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Just shared via Messenger:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Just landed via Facebook:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Trending via TikTok:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Just shared via Slack:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Making waves on Messenger:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Spotted on Facebook:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

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