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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Seen just now on Discord:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Trending via Slack:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Trending via Snapchat:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Going viral on Discord:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Making waves on Slack:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Funny essentials quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

42 shares on X this month:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,457

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Going viral on Slack:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Spotted on WeChat:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Breaking via Threads:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Going viral on Slack:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Making waves on Twitch:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

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