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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Going bananas on TikTok:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Trending via Telegram:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Going viral on Twitch:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Spotted on YouTube:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Just landed via Facebook:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Telegram this month:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

23 shares on Threads this month:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

95 shares on X this month:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,463

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Just shared via TikTok:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Live now on Twitch:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Spotted on Facebook:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Making waves on X:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Going viral on YouTube:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

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