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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2415 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,577

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,577

Updated

47 seconds ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Trending via Twitch:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Just landed via Messenger:

They expect me to work at work.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Spotted on Pinterest:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Making waves on Reddit:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Just shared via Messenger:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Going viral on Reddit:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Trending via Facebook:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2415 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,577

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,577

Updated

47 seconds ago

Users Online

3,460

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Making waves on Slack:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Trending via Twitch:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Just landed via Slack:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Shared recently on Discord:

Netflix & by yourself.

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