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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Just landed via X:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Just shared via Telegram:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Seen just now on Threads:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Just shared via Messenger:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Freshly posted on Threads:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Spotted on Threads:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Going bananas on Slack:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Seen just now on Slack:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Funny great mind quotes

New funny great mind quotes 👇

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

3 weeks ago

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All funny great mind quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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27 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

88 shares on X this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Live now on WeChat:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Going viral on Snapchat:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Just shared via YouTube:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Going viral on TikTok:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Just landed via Instagram:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Seen just now on Threads:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

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Funny great mind quotes

New funny great mind quotes 👇

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

All funny great mind quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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