130 Funny holiday quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

  Commentary:
  🎄🛍️ "Quick, someone sound the jingle bells and grab the tinsel! Only 365 shopping days left until Christmas – time to start panicking, folks! Remember, the early shopper gets the best deals… and a lot less stress come December 😉🎅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

  Commentary:
  🎅🔥 "Ah, the classic case of Santa vs. sanity! 🤪 Who needs evidence when we have our precious minds to protect? Don't worry, Santa, we've got our eye on you! 👀🎄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa might need a bit of a challenge this Christmas! 🎅🦹‍♂️ Watch out for Wario trying to steal the spotlight from the Grinch! 🌟😈 This holiday season, it's all about who can cause the most chaos and mischief! 🎄🃏

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

  Commentary:
  "Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

  Commentary:
  Oh, the hidden truth behind Christmas decorations! 🎄✨ Decking the halls while conveniently ignoring the dust bunnies – now that's the holiday spirit! 🎅🏼✨ Just add a bit of glitter, and no one will even notice the neglected cleaning duties! ✨🎁✨

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  5 months ago

  Share →: At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa's got a side hustle as a debt collector! 🎅📜💸 Better pay up or your gifts might just be coal this year! 😂🎁 #HohohoFunds

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

  Commentary:
  Oh, this person has clearly mastered the art of awkward encounters! 🙈 It's like a real-life sitcom episode playing out at random restaurants. 😂 Next level humor mixed with a sprinkle of discomfort, served with a side of expert timing! 🍽️🤣

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Valentine when you make Groundhog's Day look like a breeze! 😄 Stay single, stay fabulous! 💁‍♀️🦔"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

  Commentary:
  "Valentine's Day: the one day a year when we switch from eye-rolling cynics to hopeful romantics faster than you can say 'chocolate-covered strawberries' 🍓💘 Who can resist the power of a well-timed gift? 😉 #LoveHateRelationship"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

  Commentary:
  "Happy President's Day! Just following in the footsteps of our esteemed leaders by procrastinating on my responsibilities like a true POTUS 🇺🇸💤 #PresidentsDayProcrastination"

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