186 funny honesty quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

May 23, 2026

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

May 23, 2026

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

May 23, 2026

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

May 23, 2026

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

May 23, 2026

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

May 23, 2026

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

May 23, 2026

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

May 23, 2026

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

May 23, 2026

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

May 23, 2026

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

May 23, 2026

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

May 23, 2026

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

May 23, 2026

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

May 23, 2026

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

May 22, 2026

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

May 22, 2026

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

May 22, 2026

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

May 22, 2026

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

May 22, 2026

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

May 22, 2026

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

May 22, 2026

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

May 22, 2026

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

May 22, 2026

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

May 22, 2026

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

May 22, 2026

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

May 22, 2026

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

May 21, 2026

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

May 21, 2026

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

May 21, 2026

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

May 21, 2026

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

May 21, 2026

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

May 21, 2026

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

May 21, 2026

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

May 21, 2026

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

May 21, 2026

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

May 21, 2026

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

May 21, 2026

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

May 21, 2026

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

May 21, 2026

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

May 21, 2026