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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Spotted on Telegram:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Live now on Messenger:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Trending via YouTube:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Just landed via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Funny lottery winner quotes

New funny lottery winner quotes 👇

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

3 weeks ago

aspiration, grow, humor, i, ID, lottery, lottery winner, retirement, winner, wish

All funny lottery winner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

55 shares on Slack this month:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Just landed via Pinterest:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Making waves on Discord:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Shared recently on Threads:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Spotted on WeChat:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Trending via Snapchat:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Going viral on Facebook:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

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Funny lottery winner quotes

New funny lottery winner quotes 👇

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

All funny lottery winner quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨