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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Just shared via Reddit:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Just shared via Telegram:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Funny modern habit quotes

New funny modern habit quotes 👇

🔥 Hot in Mexico City

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

0

1 month ago

analogy, carrying, daily, daily life, habit, humor, lantern, life, modern, modern habit, phone, room, technology, Victorian, Victorian woman, woman

Someone from 🇨🇩 has recently bookmarked this quote.

29 shares on X this month.
🍌 Going bananas in Seoul

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

0

4 months ago

actually, answering, answering phone, anxiety, call, Googling, habit, humor, modern, modern habit, number, numbers, phone, phone anxiety, phone number, procrastination, technology

Someone from 🇧🇩 has recently shared this quote.

114 shares on X this month.

All funny modern habit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

20 shares on Discord this month:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

75 shares on X this month:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

92 shares on X this month:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

75 shares on Slack this month:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Broadcasted on X:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Live now on LinkedIn:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Making waves on TikTok:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Trending via Threads:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Making waves on X:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny modern habit quotes

New funny modern habit quotes 👇

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

All funny modern habit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨