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The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

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Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

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Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

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Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

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It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

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I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

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That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

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If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

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I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

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I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.