Funny next hour quotes

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!