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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Spotted on X:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Making waves on Reddit:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Trending via TikTok:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Going viral on Reddit:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Breaking via Facebook:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Spotted on X:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Funny PEZ quotes

New funny PEZ quotes 👇

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

1 month ago

antics, candy, dispenser, humor, ibuprofen, medicine, pain, pain relief, PEZ, quirky, relief, whimsical

All funny PEZ quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on X this month:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

51 shares on Slack this month:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Going viral on Reddit:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Spotted on Threads:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Trending via Reddit:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Live now on Messenger:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Live now on X:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Just shared via YouTube:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

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Funny PEZ quotes

New funny PEZ quotes 👇

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

All funny PEZ quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨