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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,684

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Just shared via Facebook:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Just shared via Messenger:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Trending via Discord:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Making waves on Twitch:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Funny picked up quotes

Funny picked up quotes are the ultimate icebreakers to spark laughter and lighten the mood! 😂 Whether you’re flirting, making new friends, or just want to add some humor to your day, these witty lines will have everyone smiling 😄✨ Get ready to bring the fun and charm with a sprinkle of cleverness and a dash of cheekiness! 😉🔥

New funny picked up quotes 👇

All funny picked up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on X this month:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

24 shares on Discord this month:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

87 shares on Slack this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

33 shares on X this month:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Making waves on Messenger:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Just landed via Threads:

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

Trending via Snapchat:

Meow means woof in cat.

Going viral on Messenger:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Seen just now on Threads:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Breaking via Twitch:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Going viral on Telegram:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

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