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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,747

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

Spotted on X:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Trending via Messenger:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Spotted on Instagram:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Going viral on Facebook:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Just shared via Slack:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Trending via X:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Funny profiles quotes

Funny profiles quotes are the ultimate way to showcase your personality with a splash of humor 😄✨ Whether you want to break the ice or leave a lasting impression, a witty line can do wonders 🤩🔥 Ready to turn heads and spark smiles? Let’s dive into the world of clever, cheeky, and downright hilarious profile vibes that make scrolling way more entertaining! 😂💬 #ProfilePerfection

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All funny profiles quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Instagram this month:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

46 shares on Threads this month:

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,686

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Through pottery, we domesticated rocks.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Just landed via Discord:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Seen just now on Slack:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Going viral on Facebook:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

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