Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Funny pump quotes

New funny pump quotes 👇

All funny pump quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Facebook this month:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

10 shares on X this month:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

86 shares on X this month:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Making waves on YouTube:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Live now on WeChat:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Making waves on WhatsApp:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Spotted on Reddit:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴