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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Shared recently on Threads:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Reported on Slack:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Live now on Twitch:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Just shared via TikTok:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Spotted on Facebook:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Going viral on Instagram:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Going viral on TikTok:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Just landed via Snapchat:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Spotted on Reddit:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Just landed via X:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Just shared via Reddit:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

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