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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Breaking via Pinterest:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Making waves on Messenger:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Just shared via Slack:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Making waves on Telegram:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Trending via Threads:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Seen just now on Facebook:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Going bananas on X:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

82 Funny running quotes

More funny running quotes 👇

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

3 weeks ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, bill, bills, days, device, devices, just, life, memory, responsibility, running, technology
Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

3 weeks ago

blacksmith, cold, cold water, cooking, feel, frying, frying pan, hot, hot pan, humor, kitchen, me, metaphor, pan, putting, running, sink, water

For even more funny running quotes, hit next 👇

All funny running quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

85 shares on Threads this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Just landed via WeChat:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Just shared via Reddit:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Making waves on X:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Trending via Reddit:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Breaking via Reddit:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

82 Funny running quotes

More funny running quotes 👇

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

All funny running quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨